FTL

Piper rounds a corner, running with a hand cannon in each hand but her FTL Gear missing. "Run away. Run away. Run away. Run Away!" A massive, rodent-like, alien brute charges around the corner, clipping the wall in pursuit of her. Piper swivels around, taking a few pot shots whilst running backwards and turns back around. "'Your skills will suffice,' they said. 'Just a small rodent infestation,' they said. Giant alien rat monster does NOT equal 'small rodent infestation'!" Piper dives into a small corridor. "As soon as I find the kid that stole my gear, ohoho. I am going to-"

Piper emerges on the other end of the corridor to find a hidden underground parish, filled with homeless alien children in rags, huddled around and playing with the FTL Gear as a toy. "...give him a VERY stern talking to. Blasted conscience."

In a matter of hours, Piper barges into her client, the royal house's throne room, towing the beast in a gravity trap and holding the child's hand as he trots in behind her. Only the princess is present, however. "Scuse me, love, but I'd like a few words with your pop. I think the first one's going to be 'You' and the second one's going to be 'Arse'."

"Yes, father thought you might be... disgruntled."

Piper crosses her arms. "The word you're looking for is 'livid,' love. Now where is the wanker?"

"I am here, terran," the king says, stepping in from another room. "And I'm glad to see you've-"

"Yeah, yeah, I've passed your test. That's all good and well. I'll send you my bill after I've done whatever the job is. Sure. Why do you have children living in the bloody sewers?"

The king and princess look to one another. "We weren't aware that... our population is rather large, terran. We-"

"Save your excuses. Promise me you'll do better."

"I..."

"Promise," Piper says, narrowing her eyes.

"I promise?" the king says.

Piper unfolds her arms and holds her hands behind her head. "I'll be holding you to that, yeah? Now, what do you want?"

Some time later, Piper appears on a rooftop when a racket begins to rip through the streets. "And that's my cue." She leaps off to handle the situation but it's over as quickly as it began. The fire between a number of gangs had halted at the intervention of a very peculiar woman. "Ooh. Someone beat me to it." She then uses her FTL Gear to appear in the street, hand cannons at the ready. "Oh, this'll never do. Who would dare throw a hoorah without Piper?! Scandalous, I say, scandalous!"

Piper places a hand on her hip as the glowy woman speaks. She glances around when an energy barrier pops up around them and everything after that moves fast. Almost faster than she could process. She looks around and whistles. "That's an impressive lot of destruction, yeah? But'cha missed a spot. I've got it, love. You sit tight." Piper pulls her goggles down over her eyes and crackles her knuckles before vanishing in a flash of blue light. She pops up again, all around the remaining gangsters.

Eventually she once again stands across from the glowy lass, cradling all of the guns, once held by the gangsters. She drops them in place then presses a button on her wristband. The remaining gangsters are all violently electrocuted. Piper claps her hands together and places them on her hips, watching the light show. "Pity. Didn't even need the hand cannons. Ah well. Better to bring a gun to a knife fight than a knife to a gunfight... or was this a gunfight. I guess I brought a tank, then, yeah?"

She holds out her hand. "Piper. Earth. Machester, England, specifically. You're all glowin' 'n' stuff, but you look human otherwise. You're a mutant of some sort? Alien experiment or whatever? I'm guessing... cosmic energy? Ah, Blitz. Ya don't need me pryin into your past any more'n I need you in mine, I wager. Guess us freaky ones gotta stick together. So who might you be, my glowy lady friend?"

"Irish? Hm. Ya don't have much of an accent. Spent a lot of time out here, yeah?" She looks around and shrugs. "Odd question, but all right. We're in Vaneheim on the colony planet Keplaan Verge in the Iso System. I never caught your name. Kind of important. 'Less ya just want me to call you Glowy or some such. Maybe Jumpy's better. Why so nervous, Jumpy?"

Piper snickers. "Oh, that's good! I can picture you with your own theme music 'n' ev'rything! Wish I had theme music. Bet it'd be all bouncy 'n'... Ah well," Piper says with a shrug. She glances off at nothing. "Yep. M'hel, Korvak, Rhondar, Ataxis, Qunin, Freor-5, Seranis, Vosk... Wait, you had some point in askin' me that. Sorry. Can't help it, sometimes, right? Human encyclopedia on all things alien. Well not all. About 98 percent... maybe. So why're you askin', huh, love?"

"Oi!" Piper cuts in. "You're just gonna give it up all easy like?" Piper stares in disbelief then blinks and FTL jumps right up on Sigrid in a flash of blue light. "We can't have that, now. What'cha need is an Intergalactic Problem Solver. Like me!" Piper pats herself down. "Oh, right. Note to self - business cards." She looks back to Sigrid. "If you're lookin' for the weirdos, I'm your girl. I'll help you look, yeah? First problem solved is free of charge, too. 'Sides, it's nothing too special around on this rock. Just a bunch'a green folks think they're better'n we are. A few blue ones, though. They're not too bad. Oh and don't eat the food. Gives ya night terrors somethin' awful." Piper shudders. "Anyhow, just say the say so 'n' I'll be off to help yah look for your people. All that sound good to you, milady?"

Piper blinks. "In mind? If ya don't need my help, then whataya wanna hang around me for? I'm not that int'restin'. I just sort of... do the stuff that I have a mind to or whatever. It's not so special, right? More people should try it. Even make a few credits if ya find a way to charge for it... ahem." Piper stretches and removes her FTL gear, tinkering with it for a moment. "Ya play a game of cat 'n' mouse or cops 'n' robbers for some big, important bloke. Or a less important bloke wants someone more important to look the part of the div. Ya get your pay, then ya get outta dodge. Ya had your fun, ya got your coin. Any ankle biter can figure that out, yeah? Long as ya don't go makin' any cock-ups, you're right as an asteroid rain." Piper straps her FTL Gear back on.

"If ya just want me to give ya a tour or somethin', I can do that, sure. But I become a bore somethin' dreadful in my off time... well... it's all off time. But, you know. The times I'm not shootin' some bleeder or punchin' some git with his own fist."

Piper lights up and steps around Sigrid. "Ya heard right, friend! Piper! Intergalactic Problem Solver! And it sounds like ya got yourself a problem. But why got to the authorities? Most 'round here couldn't find a crook sittin' on him." She pulls up a holographic interface. "If I could have ya put your information in there, I'll send ya the bill after the problem's dealt with."

Sigrid arches an eyebrow. "Di'n't you say first 'problem' was free of charge?"

"You're prettier'n he is," Piper says, while cycling through her holo-dex. "'Sides, you're all glowy. Could probably vaporize me just thinkin' about it, yeah? Don't wanna piss that off." Piper closes her Holo-Dex once the man's filled it out. "All right, friend, I'll get started right quick. What'sa name of your ship? Cargo would help too. And the registration info. Coordinates of where you were attacked... the more details the merrier."

Piper grins and activates her FTL Gear. "I can do quick, yeah," she says. "Any particular way ya want me to deal with these bleeders? Hostages? Humiliation? Tombstones? Rusty pipe up the nethers? No one ever picks that one. Lot more merciful out here than on Earth, the weirdos. Earth... should pop by and check on pop when I get a chance. Beginnin' to miss fish 'n' chips, again." Piper brings up records on the ship, the make, schematics and manufacturing details. "You actually flew this crate through the blackness? Right impressive, that is. This bloody thing's a rust bucket!" Piper turns to Sigrid. "Well, it looks like I've got a job to be off on. Nice meetin' ya, love. Be seein' ya, yeah? Want me to drop you anywhere on my way? Not that you need it. Dunno. Maybe your... glowiness makes you tired sometimes?"

"Ha! Hold on! 'All talk'? Are you... sassing me, Glowy? Excuse me a moment, love, but did you not see the part, earlier, where I did half your work for you?" Piper closes her holo-dex and crosses her arms with an equally cheeky grin. "It sounds an awful lot like I'm being challenged. Your daft if ya think I'm takin' that sittin' down, yeah?" She places her hands on her hips. "All right. Whoever deals with these gits first gets three quarters the spoils. This one pro'lly only has four coins to rub together, anyhow. Best not to worry about how much time ya got, love. You'll only need a second to watch me haul in these sorry larks. Rest of your day'll be free as a bird."

"I'll go way outta that," she said, still smiling, "but we'll see." She hid her hand behind her cloack and manipulated the ambient energy around her. A bar of gold appeared in her hand and she placed it in the man's hand. "Go sell that and get yourself a bite, eh, while I call this header on her bluffing."

She began walking on. "Lead the way, birdy, I'm looking forward to this."

Piper laughs. "Bluffing? Ohohoho, you best hold on to your knickers, love," she says as she reopens her holo-dex, syncing it to her holo-dex. "Le'see, here. Hack that. Bypass this. Access granted. And now the victory lap. Right, then. Now there's just one problem. How're we gonna get there? I mean, I can get there right easy wi'this gizmo on my back. But what about you? It only carries one."

"I can get around," she said. "But seeing as we have only one tracking device, we can hardly call that as fair." She thought for a moment. "Maybe we can rent a ship?"

The man looked down in wonder at the bar of pure gold in his hand. It gave a little in his hand. "Um...if'n ya need a ship, ladies," he began, still staring at the bar, "I know a guy that could rent you something, cheap. Owes me a favor. Just give'im the name Oroko. S'my name. Prolly help ya, anyway, if ya manage to get her back..."

Sigrid looked to Piper. "That sounds equitable," she said. "That way, we both can arrive."

"It's the best option we've got, right? Le's go see this bloke, then. "Where is this one? What's his name?" Piper holds a finger to her mouth. "Catch the bleeders, get the ship, bring it back, get the money. Then food. Hm... maybe we should do that now. I'm parched. Could zip on over to Earth and come back with a pizza. Pizza would be good about now. Say, Glowy, you eat pizza, yeah? Oh, wait, do you eat at all? You're all sparkly and stuff, so... I dunno... cosmic energy omelet? I know where to get a pretty good one... well I've heard it's good. I can't eat it, of course, but..."

"Wait, what? How's my performing connect to needing food? 'Sides, now's hardly the time for- Oh, you mean the mission! I thought, for a second, you meant... well, whatever. Maybe later. The mission, I can do real easy on an empty stomach, luv. Shouldn't take but thirty seconds or less. FTL Gear does most of the work. Punch a git here, shoot a bloke there, nothin' to it but to do it, right? So le's go see this guy, then, yeah? Then food. 'Cause seriously. Parched." Piper opens up her holodex, cycling through for the location of this Ch'anil's shop. Once she has a set of coordinates, she syncs up to her FTL Gear. "See ya there, luv." With that, Piper FTL Jumps straight to the shop.

Piper pokes her head around the corner and whistles. "Oi! Over hear, luv! Ya quite done sittin' 'round on your sparkling little arse? There's credits, yet, to be made!" She pops back around the corner and trots into the shop, looking around for this guy. "Hey. You wouldn't happen to be a bloke named Ch'anil, would you? A lady friend and I need to borrow a ship. Oroko sent us. She'll be around in a tic."