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Some random story I'm writing

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Post by Holsety 2nd June 2011, 9:44 pm

'Kay, so, I don't usually post my writings online because I tend to get a little self-conscious over them. However, I think it would be good for me to get over that by posting this one as I write it, one chapter at a time. I'm by no means a pro author, but go easy on me with the critique.

This story doesn't have a title yet. Heck, I don't even know where it's going, though I do have some things in mind.

I'm gonna use this post to keep notes, updates, and stuff. The actual story will be in the next post.

General Warning: This work contains violence, alcohol, and other stuff. Coarse language has been edited out.

June 2 - Chapter 1 posted


Last edited by LadyTwi on 2nd June 2011, 10:01 pm; edited 1 time in total
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Post by Holsety 2nd June 2011, 9:44 pm

Story post

Chapter 1
Word Count: 1 899
Spoiler:


Last edited by LadyTwi on 2nd June 2011, 10:01 pm; edited 1 time in total (Reason for editing : Chapter 1 posted)
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Post by JerriLeah7 2nd June 2011, 11:03 pm

Wonderful style and diction!!! I really enjoy the dialogue and the detail that you have in this chapter. =) The character's point of views are well written and definitely sets each character apart; bringing them out to the reader realistically.

The one thing that I would do to make this part even better is to include descriptions of these character's appearance. You could describe each character as an unbiased 'narrator' or you could even describe each person as another character sees them. This could be quite interesting if you describe the important characters more than once with different viewers in the book, in order to show how the important characters look differently from different point of views. This can add both an amusing twist or just more depth to the character or both, depending on your style!

Just a suggestion. =) Wonderful work, Twi, I really enjoyed reading this!
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Post by Holsety 3rd June 2011, 9:45 am

Thank you so much Leah! Character description is one thing I'm not particularly good at, so I'll work on that and I'll keep your suggestion in mind. :3
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